Day 24: A Letter To Someone Who Is On The Path

Dear Traveller,

You know there are some places that are just filled with profound treasures? The Matrix is one of them! This is a quote that just smashes through your thought processes and dumps the truth right at your feet.

“There’s a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path”.

I wonder though, if you realise how much this applies to where you are right now? In case you don’t I am going to try to break it down for you real quick okay? Okay.

So the world is filled with billions of people, but let’s just look at the general population you’re familiar with for now. Every person has within them the potential to be, achieve, attain, anything they set their minds to. Yet for some reason, most of them achieve very little. They finish school, enter the workforce, start a family and tend not to wander too far outside of this pattern for the rest of their lives. Now, I’m not saying that this is wrong, far from it. This is in itself a ‘path’, but what my question is, is this the path they always knew for their life?

What I notice happens within the framework of ‘growing up’ is that responsibility and reality evict dreams and aspiration. They simply crowd out the space where vibrance and adventure used to live. Replacing them with an anesthetized landscape that has all the personality and potential of an elevator. Sure, you think your moving, but in reality you’re just visiting the same floors over and over again.

Now I am not saying that those who live with responsibility and reality are creatively castrated, remember I’m both a mum and a wife and I have more than my fair share of both! I am just saying that it has taken me a long and often very bleak journey to rediscover some of those dreams and to recapture that vibrance that I allowed to be choked so many years ago. Those destinations that I knew existed and were integral to the landscape of my path.

‘Knowing your path’ doesn’t mean you’re going to know every step, every pebble and pot-hole. What it means is that you should know the landmarks, those things that you have a passion for: writing, aircraft, caring for the sick, tapestry! It really doesn’t matter what the landmarks are, you just have to make sure that they feature upon your path. Today it’s too easy to know your path, know what you love, know what you dream and then allow yourself to be detoured by doubt, insecurity and sometimes, open opposition. Walking your path will take courage, it will take conviction and it will certainly take choice.

Look at the choices you have made so far, celebrate those which have led you further along the path you know, and perhaps look at road-blocking some of the choices that you can see aren’t really getting you anywhere. Choosing to go after your dreams might be hard, it might mean hours of study late into the night, it may mean ignoring the mocking of those who are close to you, it might mean years of financial sacrifice, but those are your steps to take. You have to remember it’s your path, no one else’s.

I look forward to watching your path unfold. Remember, always choose the red pill! While ignorance might be blissful for a while, eventually you will see that you’re simply wasting away in a bubble of frustration. At least with your eyes wide open, you can see where you are going!

 

 

 

 

 

xxoo

 

 

 

 

 

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Day 19: A Letter To Santa

Dear Santa,

Define Good…?

Do you mean ‘good’ like Mother Theresa good? Because I don’t know anyone with leprosy, and if I’m being really honest changing a nappy makes me nauseated , I just don’t know how I’d go with bits of people falling off.

Does that mean that I’m not good?

Or do you mean ‘good’ like Steve Jobs was good? Because while I really really love gizmos and gadgets and all things techno, I don’t have the slightest idea how they work and I don’t know my 1’s from my 0’s when it comes to binary! How am I supposed to measure up with a guy that has changed the face of technology for longer than I have been alive?

I really think you could have been a little clearer on this stipulation you’ve put out there for us! Good, what is good? How good? How often? Are we meant to be good all the time? If that’s what you had in mind, then only Jesus should expect a visit from you at Christmas. That’s kind of ironic since Christmas is also his birthday, and that would mean he’s going to get presents anyway – not that he doesn’t deserve them, he does because he’s good. That’s my point! Do you see my dilemma? I really love gifts at Christmas time but with all this confusion over your qualifications I’m more than a little concerned that I’ll be disappointed on Christmas morning.

Do you have a scale of ‘good-ness’? Are certain behaviours rewarded more than others? Are those times that I am good, cancelled out by those times that I’m not? Do my acts of kindness get erased by my moments of bitterness or selfishness? When I speak with anger and my words cause hurt, does that nullify the times that I seek to comfort or encourage? It’s all very confusing, and I’m a grown up, how are kids meant to understand what you want from them?

So I’m just going to go out on a limb here and come clean. I’m not good. Not really. I know what I think when I’m hurting or angry, I know how I’ve wished for others to be bought low just so I didn’t feel so bad. I have have lied, I have cheated (at pictionary) and I have stolen. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m pretty sure none of those things qualify me as being ‘good’. It’s much easier to sigh and accept the fact that I don’t measure up than it is to constantly try and convince you and myself that I am better than I probably am.

There it is, the facts. I am a human being. I make mistakes, I hurt people, I make bad decisions, I get grumpy for no reason and sometimes I get really bad road rage. So, if that means that I miss out on a visit from you this year or (baring a lobotomy or sudden divinity) any year, then I guess I will just have to accept it.

However.

Just in case you decide to be a wonderful and upstanding example of ‘good’, please find attached a list of things I would like for Christmas this year.

Anything from Pandora
Lots of stationery
Pretty red shoes
An air-conditioner
Anything sparkly and shiny
*You have always had wonderful taste in the past, so if you think you know better feel free to improvise 🙂

Sincerely (trying to be good)

Amelia xo

Day 15: A Letter to My Possible

Dear Possible,

I owe you an apology, if we were married, you could call the way I treat you emotional abuse! I ignore you, demean you, underestimate you and constantly see you as inferior to every one else’s Possible. Indeed I would be an awful spouse – the worst, if we were married, but we aren’t. So I ask myself, does this make my behavior better or worse?  If I feel guilty and a little bit disgusted with myself whilst viewing you as something separate from myself , then what do I feel when I acknowledge that you are actually as much a part of me as my hands, my eyes and my smile?

Honestly, pretty ashamed.

You are my possible, you are what is is my hands right now. No, not the laptop keyboard, but the spare change for a hungry man, the kind word for the frazzled check-out chick, the grace of forgiveness for a guilty child, the delicious dinner for a family going through an awful time. You are what I have the ability to do, the latent potential to make a positive impact in someone else’s moment, day, life or history. You are the glance that recognizes a need that I have the ability to meet! You are the part of me that shakes your head at my selfishness, that frowns upon my continual worry when there is always someone somewhere who is worse off. You are the part of me that knows my life is improved when I embrace you. You are my Possible.

So I have decided to change the way I look at you, because let’s face it, it’s only a coward who tries to justify their neglect and remain in ignorance of their own Possible, so  in the words of Marty McFly “Nobody calls me chicken!”. I am going to open my eyes, and my heart to your existence, because I just can’t pretend that I have nothing to offer anymore. Even if I were stripped bare of everything I owned, I still have my smile, my words and my actions to give. So I will do just that.

I will sieze the opportunities to unleash you my Possible upon this unsuspecting world. I won’t hold back a kindness, fail to encourage, or walk past a need. Well, at least I’ll try. I may be limited in what I can do in some places, but there are always opportunities to throw you in with a whole bunch of other peoples Possibles and do something truly amazing.

So I ask you, are you ready? Are you up for the job of pinching me in that soft spot under the arm if it looks like I might miss a chance to embrace you. I give you permission to kick me in the bum if I am becoming apathetic again, don’t let me anesthetize myself with distractions and the general ‘busyness’  of life. I never want to be too busy to make someone else’s, better or easier or just happier.

I can do that. That is always possible.

I wonder what would happen if everyone embraced their own Possible.

Looking forward to working with you.

Regards – Your Person.

**Thanks Enzo for letting me use one of your amazing photos – you help us all see what miracles lay on the other side of our Possible!

Day 9: A Letter to Someone I Wish I Could Meet

Dear Mr Heston Blumenthal,

I just have to put it out there right at the start. In my book you are sautéed  in superlatives, caramelized in compliments and flambéed in flattery – in short I think you’re just dandy!

As far as calling myself a die hard fan – well, if I’m honest I don’t think I’ve ever been ‘die hard’ over anything, except maybe Kevin Bacon in Flatliners, but that was when I was 10 so I don’t think it counts. I’m not the type to line up for hours to get a book signed (sorry), nor will I stake out your hotel so I can steal a toilet roll from your room (reassuring). What I am, is an avid admirer of Heston’s Feasts.

The first episode I saw was your Victorian Feast – Drink Me Potion = GENIUS! I was riveted, but it wasn’t just the concept of bringing history into the present, or  your outrageous use of ingredients – a cows head? Seriously? No, what captured me was you, it was your unbridled enthusiasm for your vision, it was the joy you exuded when your imagination and your vocation collided. I believe in that episode you stated “I cannot resist the challenge of turning a fictional drink into reality”; I get that, I get how it feels when an idea takes hold of you. Suddenly it’s like there’s a map inside your head and you know it’s going to lead you somewhere really cool. Only no one else can see it, they can’t feel the anticipation that bubbles inside of you, they don’t understand that compulsion to jump in head first and see where the adventure takes you. They can’t always understand the fact that it’s not about getting it right, it’s about discovering what will come out of the quest, to get it right!

That’s how I feel about writing. I get an idea, an imagination, or a  thought, it’s ethereal, a possibility; but once I begin to tell the story, thats when the lightning strikes! Pathways open up inside my brain – choices, hidden doorways, chance meetings, a man with a wooden leg! I don’t know what’s going to happen next until I write it, and if I don’t like it I erase, delete, cross it out!

I was in England recently, I studied at Oxford University’s Creative Writing Summer Program (awesome huh?). Knowing how much I loved your show, some very special people booked me a table at your Hinds Head Pub as a surprise farewell gift. I caught the train from London, and then a taxi to Bray (excellent directions on your website -thank you). The whole experience was like a story. I was alone so it was a little bit scary, but I savored each moment: the journey, meeting your lovely staff, feeling like a bit of a loser sitting all alone in a crowded pub. Oh but the food! It was un-be-lieve-able! I felt like I was in a dream, a part of something that happens to other people, but not to me!

I guess what I’m trying to tell you, is that you’ve helped me to search out a bigger life, to embrace the joy in everything I do, and to just get out there and do something! I like to think that just a little bit of ‘Heston’ has come back with me.

So, thanks for being super – and as is inscribed on just about everything in England “Keep Calm & Carry On”.

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Sincerely,

Your non-stalkerish fan xo

Sorry

I know, it’s been forever since I posted anything. To be perfectly honest it’s been forever since I’ve written anything!

The only way I can explain it is; that for a while there, all the joy and love got sucked out of even the idea of writing! There were a whole lot of factors involved, but I will make you a list of my feelings so you get an idea of where my head was at when it came to writing anything these last few months.

Overwhelmed, Doubting, Lost, Guilty, Undermined, Frustrated, Disappointed, Useless,

Bound, Failure, Past, Tired, SPENT!

Does that help? Don’t fret though, I neatly compartmentalised these darker feelings and they only remained attached to my writing. As to the rest of my life; it’s been going along nicely, just minus a few thousand words.

So who am I apologising to? Those of you who have ever landed here by accident, glanced at a post here and there. To you who have encouraged me with your comments, and have felt a connection to what I write. To my friends who ask me why I haven’t written anything lately. To my family who have been patient and protective of me. To myself.

When it comes to putting words on a page, it is an extension of my heart. I write what I feel, what I see, what I hope and dream. This writing isn’t malleable, it’s not domesticated or house trained! One day the words will paint a beautiful forest cathedral of the most violent pink blossom, the next they will lift the heart of a treasured friend.

I lost that, I forgot the love and excitement that blooms inside of me when I begin to write. The childlike wonder I feel when my imagination takes me off the path of what is known and unveils what is hidden, and magical and impossible!

I found it again! That vibrancy of capturing what only I can imagine, the courage to defeat my inner foe, the knowledge that who I am is exactly who I am meant to be.

So, I’m sorry I got lost there for a while. But I am back now, and I am bubbling with things to share.