Why, Hello There Old Friend.

It’s funny, It really doesn’t feel like it’s been over two years since I posted something here, but, it has. I have taken a few days to reacquaint myself with my previous posts and reading them again has been oddly nostalgic. 

There was an exercise I was taught in one of my first writing classes that I have never forgotten. Close your eyes and choose a memory – painful, sweet, a place, a person; it doesn’t matter. Hold it in your mind and freeze it, as that memory exists frozen in your mind, begin to explore it with new eyes. You have aged, grown in wisdom and understanding. If your memory is of a room, walk around the room, pick things up, hear the sounds of your feet on the floor, the rusty spring on the back screen door, the blown glass birds that sit upon the mantle, the scent of stale charcoal from the open fire. One element will lead to another and another examine it all again.

That’s kind of what it’s been like opening up this blog again. It’s allowed me to look inside my own head as it was in the past, with eyes that have new experiences, new horizons and new concerns. Upon this reflection I realise that I have both gained and lost ground in that time. Much has happened these past two years, time has continued along its constant and inexorable path and naturally my story has meandered and weaved along with it. 

But, just as in any true friendship I always knew I would come back to writing, that it was patiently waiting in the wings for the time when I would be ready to connect with it again. So here I am, there will be no great explanation, no grand excuses. Just the quiet understanding that it is time to inhabit my world of words once again. 

So it begins, a new season of sharing the thoughts and musings of Amelia. They are fluttering in my subconscious like butterflies after chrysalis,I can feel them there tickling the inside my brain and heart, I am yet to discover their true colour, shape and size but i will release them here, and discover them with you.

To every reader who has ever taken the time to thank, encourage, exhort and even nag me to take up the pen again, I want to say thank you. I have heard, been buoyed, and found my way here again in no small part because of you. 

xx Amelia

 

Here’s a quick catch up in photos 🙂

we moved here…

This one is still inspiring me be brave ❤

This one melts my heart daily ❤

Together they are perfection

This one forever has all of me

I got a whole bunch of new friends.

While the old ones are more like family now.

And family remain my greatest anchors.

Life has continued. I am blessed. 

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Day 21: A Letter To Someone Who Is Broken

Another Beautiful Zaldy Infante Image

Hello Friend,

Is today a good day or a bad day?

I’m sure you’ve had, and will continue to have both. I’m not going to pretend to have all of the answers for you, I won’t even pretend to have any, I’ll just come and sit by you for a while, if that’s okay with you.
I don’t mind if you don’t want to talk, I’m fine with silence, I know that sometimes in the silence we hear the clearest. I just don’t want you to be alone, not even for a moment. No one should walk this path alone, even though thats exactly how it feels. That you’re detached, that the same ground you were conquering yesterday has crumbled around you, leaving you stranded and abandoned on an escarpment built for one. You are facing sharp rocks of grief that tear away at your heart, you are bewildered and disorientated in a blinding fog of powerlessness, and you are battered by storms filled with unanswered questions. Yes, I know what it feels like.

People may try to make you feel better by explaining that you are simply one of many, One of a countless number who have experienced this. They will tell you that endings are simply a part of life. Ignore them. They have no idea what you are feeling.
No one has ever felt this kind of pain, this kind of grief, this kind of loss, because this is your unique torture. This belongs to you.

I don’t mind if you want to cry. Crying isn’t a bad thing. I think that sometimes crying is like bathing a wound that no one else can see, the salt in our tears soothes, and begins the process of healing. It keeps the area clean and free of any bitterness or anger that can get stuck in there if we try to hold everything inside. Crying is the way we acknowledge that something hurts, and I know this is hurting.

I want you to rest. fold yourself into loving arms. I know that you have those around you. Let them carry you for a little while. Anything that is broken must have a time of rest, a time of stillness to let the trauma settle. Don’t worry, the world will keep turning even if you aren’t busy doing all of the things you normally do, and those things will still be there waiting for you when you are ready for them.

You will heal, but yes there will be a scar, however that scar can become something beautiful. You can find the promise within the pain, and you can break through into the sunshine once more. I know it.

So for now my broken friend, I will just sit here beside you and hold your hand. I will keep my breathing steady, so that you have a rhythm to follow. I will be here through it all, in any way you need me.

That is what friendship is all about.

Now close your eyes and rest, the sun will come out again in the morning.

Love Always

Amelia xo