He Totally Gets Me.

I never really had a school leavers ‘yearbook’ experience. To be honest, I don’t even know if the high school I graduated from did the whole portrait/quote for posterity thing! All I know is, I was so glad to sit that last exam that I never even went back for final assembly.

But, what if I had had to choose a quote to put alongside my picture for all of time? What would I have chosen? Well, let’s be real here – this is me we are talking about after all. I probably would have left it till the absolute last minute – madly run to the library, (remembering that I graduated high school in 1996 so any available internet was just a black hole of  lame emails sent to the person on the other side of the computer lab) I would have selected a random work by The Bard or Tennesee Williams, picked a pretty line that I felt would make me appear artistic and intellectual – insert dramatic hair toss.  Yes, say hello to my 17 year old self, I was a frighteningly  vapid creature. I could have at least quoted Joey Tribbiani or Kramer like any other self respecting adolescent of the 90’s!

Thankfully none of the above happened. There is no picture. I have no quote.

What about now though? Now I have 18 years more life experience. I have studied (no seriously, I have) I have married, I’m a mother and a wife. I’ve travelled.  I have read and mostly understood great works of literature – I can reference Dante, Dostoevski, and Stephanie Meyer. I can single handedly circumnavigate Pinterest! My quotation options are truly epic.

So what will it be? What words will I choose? Will I lean toward the hipster or the Inspirational? I can feel you holding your breath with anticipation.

Oh The Places You’ll Go.”

Dr Suess.

Thats right folks I went right back to Kindergarten, but, not to be ironic. It just  makes a poetic kind of sense, a book that was read to me before I could even read, would come full circle to become a part of how I choose to define myself.

Dr Suess though… I mean, the Guy just gets me!

This quote isn’t about the 5 words it’s made up of, It’s about the book as a whole. It is not a book about travel or climbing the corporate ladder, nor is it about any external experience I have, might or will have in the future. This book represents my many internal journeys; the fearless invincible beginnings, the slow descents, the unexpected crashes. It charts the vast desolation of being lost within and the eventual triumph of clawing my way out once more.

This book is real.

And that bit about waiting! GENIUS!

If you have never read it, then today is a great day for you! In fact i will even attach an awesome reading of the book by the amazing John Lithgow.

Be inspired people! Congratulations! Today is your day!

xoxo Amelia

 

 

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Day 8: A Letter to Someone Going Through The Worst of Times

To my Dear Friend,

I know it hurts right now. I know that it feels like every breath is hard work, but you’re strong, the spark inside you has not gone out – no one has the power to do that to you, you need to remember that. The hard part about what you are going through is that to look at you, no one would know that you are hurting. No one can see the wounds you are trying so hard to keep hidden, except those of us you trust enough to let behind the walls. I cannot tell you how proud I am that you let us in, that you have asked for help instead of trying to cope alone. No one should have to go through this alone.

I want you to know that there is a way through this, that God does have you in His hand and He will see you through. I can’t give you the answers I know you want, I don’t think anyone can, but those questions will cripple you if you let them. They will keep you tied to the past, they’ll keep your eyes upon all of the things you have no power to change.

Sometimes things happen to us, things we don’t have a say in, circumstances can blindside us and all of a sudden we find ourselves stripped to the core of who we are, raw and bleeding. In that moment, when you look around yourself and feel like there is nothing left, it’s then you need to remember that you always have the gift that God gave to every human being. Something that no one can ever take from you.

Choice.

Only you can choose where you let your thoughts go – upon the trauma and injustice or upon the possibilities in your future. Only you can choose who you surround yourself with – those who support and uplift you or those who feed your misery and keep you trapped. Only you have the choice to keep walking forward or to surrender to despair and drift away, lost in the void of your pain.

Think about it, sure the choice to move forward is difficult, but it’s yours. Think about how empowering that is! Let that power infuse you, let it pour liquid steel through your spine. You have got power, you can fight, you can win. 

It doesn’t mean that there wont be awful days, but what quest doesn’t have it’s challenges. There might be deserts (not desserts :p) but there will also be unexpected streams hidden in those barren places. They will sustain you, and see you through to the next resting place.

You can beat this. I know it, I see the warrior within you. You are a fighter.

Most of all, you are not alone.

All my love xxoo

*Thanks Zaldy for letting me use your amazing picture!

30 Letters In 30 Days…

I call myself a writer, but really lets face it, my last post was in May… What does this mean? I guess it means that I have issues. Lots of them, but then again who doesn’t?

When my issues raise their ugly heads I go into hiding. Like the proverbial turtle, I tuck myself away in my tough little shell until I get cabin fever, until I run out of chocolate or until I am poked with a stick enough times to make me come out snapping. Usually my hibernation doesn’t last this long, perhaps I’m getting better at it (oh yay me!).  No, that’s not true, I’ve just had plenty of stuff to keep me distracted. You know what it’s like, your ‘life’ can be an awesome camouflage for your strife. That is where I have been living for the past while.

Don’t get me wrong life has been incredible, I have been places and done things in the past 5 months that I never EVER dreamed possible. However it’s the stuff underneath the surface that undermines anything happening on top. You know what I mean, those things we can all struggle with: doubt, depression, procrastination, guilt, frustration, fury. The sludge and tar and cesspit inhabiting parts of being alive. Yeah, I have that.

Now, I mentioned being poked with a stick earlier? Yep, that’s my friends and family. They just lurve to get all up in my grill (Yes, I am a part time gangsta) and needle me with questions:”What are you doing?”, “What have you written?”, “Why haven’t you written?” “What’s going on with you?”. They do it because they love me, know me and care enough about me to get me out of my shell, back in the sunlight. Even if I do come out snapping.

So here I am. Again. Disheveled, sun blinded, and a bit shaky. I am getting back out there. Again.  This time I have a bit of a plan though.

I was procrastinatingwasting timeavoiding reality, researching *read StumbleUpon-ing online the other day and came across an idea that snagged my anesthetised imagination.

30 Days.

30 Letters.

Over the next 30 days I will write 30 letters to different people past, present and future and I will post them here (no names though). I got my inspiration from here and I have to say I am relieved. An odd emotion I know, but I will be writing something each day over the next 30 days and that is a he-eck of a lot more than I have been.  So yes, I am relieved.

So stay tuned, read if you wanna and leave me a note to say hi. I have missed you all. I have missed me, I have missed words – and more than likely punctuation and grammar, but that is why God invented editors. I just don’t have one yet.

Love Love xxoo

 

 

 

Dear Sister…

Dear Sister,

I don’t know if anyone has told you today that you are exceptional, probably not. It’s not the kind of thing one throws into casual conversation; but you are. Exceptional.

You care more deeply than anyone I know, you hear the gentle whispering cries of other hearts and seek to answer; where others simply ignore and trample asunder. You are funny, many people don’t know just how funny you are. I do. I hear the little remarks which are clever and witty and sometimes a bit rude. That just makes me laugh even more, no one ever expects that from you.

You’re clever, you solve problems big and small every day. I don’t think you even realise when you’re doing it. People come to you burdened and go away empowered; it’s just a gift you have and it’s gentle and encouraging. You’re brave; in a scared sort of way. You don’t like to face the Big Bad Wolves of this world, but you will. Because you’re strong. You forget that sometimes; but you are.

You are kind. Too kind I think. People don’t always recognise when they have a treasure in their hands. They don’t see you; and they tread carelessly on you. Not deliberately, not cruelly, but I know it hurts you. That makes me mad. You deserve better.

Your mirror tells you lies too. It tells you that your bum is too big and your clothes don’t always look nice. You need the mirror I see you in. It says that you are elegant, and classic. That you are unique and sophisticated. It loves your shoes and thinks you have done a beautiful job on your eye-makeup.

Where are you going today? Will you be alone, or with others? Will you take a sidelong glance at yourself in windows as you walk by? Smile at you for me, okay? And don’t get lost in everyone else. Let your own sail fill with the breeze and once again feel the exhilaration of your life. Adventure is yours, grasp it, run with it.

Know who you are, remember how far you have come.

You are loved

Dear Sister.

4 Things I Am Loving Right Now.

1. Words

I try so hard not to use so many of them but alas it is a skill I am yet to master! I love words! I love to craft them so that they say exactly what I want them to. I love that I don’t have to be satisfied with a mediocre sentence, when with a little effort and my trusty thesaurus I can turn it into something wonderful, emotive and tangible.

I guess I feel that language is my art. Like a sculptor; I feel the words, weigh them and shape them. Like a chef I season what I write with sweet, sour, salt and spice. The pen is my brush, the page my canvas and my imagination the only limitation to what I can create.

2. Our Dog Winnie

We got Winnie the year we got married 1999. We were young, just 20 & 21 and the idea of starting a fur family was really exciting to us. So one December evening we saw a notice advertising free puppies and that is how Miss Winnie came to be a Hunter…

She is a Samoyed cross Kelpie who has run away more times than I can remember, but thankfully we have always got her back! When Jarrod arrived in 2001, she accepted him as the litter mate she had always wanted; the two have been fast friends and partners in crime ever since! I was very disturbed to find out that she is now classified as a canine senior citizen, to us she will always be the weird looking little black ball of fluff we fell in love with nearly 11 years ago!

3.  Brotherly Love

Yes these are my boys. Sigh… For 8 years it was just Shaun, Myself and Jarrod, we were The Three Amigos and we did everything together as a very tight unit. We even travelled to China and walked on the Great Wall.

Yet noting comes even remotely close to the wonderful privilege of watching Jarrod finally become a big brother. You see, while we have shared mostly great times as a family of three; one thing we also shared was a miscarriage in 2006. The very morning after we told Jarrod that there was a baby on it’s way, the worst happened. My special little man was there with me holding my hand while I cried, with wide eyed understanding of the profound loss . He still speaks of ‘our baby that died’.

So knowing all of that, you can see how full our joy has been at Sammy’s arrival. To describe the boys bond is impossible. They share a world of love to which I am not privy, and yet from my spectators seat on the outside my heart bursts with joy at the relationship so long awaited by one, and so wholly adored by the other.

4. The Rain.

I know it sounds cliched but I love the rain! I am a girl who grew up in Central Victoria under a corrugated tin roof.  So to me there is nothing quite like the sound of those first few drops thwacking on the roof, harbingers of the myriad drops to come. I no longer live under a tin roof, but after these drought plagued years, there is something decadently delicious about muddy puddles. There is something infinitely magical about the new cover of green over the land. There is something desperately romantic about the city streets and their rainbow reflections on a rainy night. I love the rain; it crystalizes my attention in the moment, yet gently coaxes the delicate flowers of childhood memories back into the light.