Day 30: A Letter to Myself

Well Hi There Good Looking!

Wow, the temptation to hide this whole letter behind a thick curtain of irony is frighteningly strong right now. However, I’m going to try really hard not to do that, because to be perfectly honest, I’m so sick of hiding. I’m tired of finding the corner in a crowded room, I’m tired of trying to make myself small and un-noticeable (yes that is ironic, since there is nothing small about me!) and I’m just plain tired of hiding who I am behind who I think I should be.

A good friend of mine recently picked me up on the whole hiding thing. She said that my willingness to share my deepest and most personal life stories with every man and his neighbour is just another way of hiding. I shield myself with these stories like a careful camouflage, using them as a distraction. Much like the tail of a peacock. It dazzles the eye, distracting you from noticing that the bird is actually a dude, and that he’s dressed like the love-child of Elton John and Dame Edna (ironic). If you do happen to notice these things? Well, hopefully you’re still too captivated by the intricacies of that tail to care. Apparently I do that with my dazzling stories of depression, and being overweight. Who knew!?

So, what does all of this mean? Will I start wearing magenta spandex wherever I go now? Will I now announce my arrival into a room with a hearty rendition of ‘Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me’? No, I don’t think that’s the point of all this revelation. It’s not about me being noticed or unnoticed, it’s about coming to a place where I finally see the person I am and just accept her.

These letters have been a revelation. They have been a chrysalis, a journey and a birthing. They have revealed so much of what is within me, and they have opened my eyes anew to the extraordinary and miraculous people around me. I have been hugged, thanked, encouraged and embraced by people in a way I could never have imagined. I have reflected, and explored and articulated my life and self and I have been changed because of it. These things just don’t happen in a corner, they don’t happen when you are burying yourself in the sand, they don’t happen when you are trying so hard to be what you think is acceptable to everyone else. They’ve happened here, in this piece of cyberspace where I am front and centre. Where I have poured out my self and discovered a person I kinda like! she is caring, and insightful. She is witty and naughty. She is flawed and in some places a bit broken. But she is emerging, and she is brave, and I have a sneaking suspicion that she is also going to be a bit fierce!

I don’t know what the future holds, but I know it is big, I know it is good and I know I will play the main character! There are no limits, there are only possibilities and opportunities waiting for me to seize them. My life is immense and it’s about time I started to explore it!

And this will be my theme song!!

Now, chin up, shoulders back, and move away from the corner…

Love you xo

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8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Bluebird Daydreams
    Feb 28, 2012 @ 12:57:58

    Loved this post. But I have to say I dont agree with the person who said you sharing your secrets is hiding. I think it shows that you are willing to be vulnerable and risk rejection and allows the other person a door to open themselves up to you. Im glad you opened this door up to me. Dont shut the door because of a well meaning friend. 😉 Lova ya.
    D
    x

    Reply

    • ameliahunter
      Mar 01, 2012 @ 09:41:54

      I will always keep the doors open, I don’t think I could stop if I wanted to, I think the difference is what’s happening inside of me. I wont be hiding behind those stories, because as much as I am ‘open’ in sharing them, I know that they are still just another corner I hide in. It’s hard to explain, but true none the less. I love it that you are such a fierce defender, what a lovely gift of advocation you have. You are a voice to the voiceless, and I cannot wait to see all of the amazing things that you will do and the lives that will be changed because of it!! xxoo

      Reply

  2. Natalie Giddings
    Feb 28, 2012 @ 13:59:47

    Oh yes she is witty and naughty!

    Best post to date.

    Now that you did this one to yourself, does that mean there will be no more? : (

    Reply

    • ameliahunter
      Mar 01, 2012 @ 09:36:14

      Why thanks Ms Giddings! No, I’m pretty sure there will be more… I love the letter format too much to kiss it goodbye completely, but it’s time to break out of that particular box and get on to writing some other stuff now!

      xx

      Reply

  3. OurIsaJourney
    Feb 28, 2012 @ 16:16:08

    Wow. I loved this post. I certainly hope you write me… I mean YOURSELF… more letters in the future.

    Reply

    • ameliahunter
      Mar 01, 2012 @ 09:34:24

      Thanks! I love it that you connected with this piece so personally. If you are a ‘hider’, then let me encourage you that what you have to offer the world is bigger and more beautiful than you could possibly imagine! I hope I see you around here again 🙂 xxoo

      Reply

  4. Ayanna
    Apr 08, 2012 @ 05:55:19

    I almost thot it was a letter to me

    Reply

    • ameliahunter
      Apr 11, 2012 @ 10:07:53

      Ayanna, Thanks for stopping by! If I can encourage you with one thing… Come out of the shadows – there is a bright and beautiful world waiting for you! xo

      Reply

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