The Elevator of Friendship.

I want to share my most recent epiphany with you! I am a little bit excited by it, simply because it was one of those “hah!” moments you know will change your life forever.

I love having friends. Seriously, it’s in my DNA I am hardwired to meet as many people as possible from EVERYWHERE! Regardless of language, socio-economic position, religion or colour, if you have a face and opposable thumbs I want to hear your story, you could be my newest BFF!!

The problem with this driving need for connection and friendship, was my assumption that everyone else craved it and valued it as much as I did. Time and time again I would put my whole heart out there, only to have it trampled, laughed at, manipulated, used and abused. Were I a student in the School of Hard Knocks, I would have been in the remedial class! Instead of realising that some people just weren’t worthy of the gift I was offering; I concluded instead, that it was my gift that was unworthy…

Skip forward about 15 years and I finally, completely ‘get’ the beauty of relationships and my responsibility in their creation and maintenance. Get ready! This. Is. Awesome!

THE ELEVATOR.

Imagine you are a skyscraper, and within you there is an elevator which runs from the lobby all the way up to the penthouse.

My mistake was granting FAR too much access to people who simply did not deserve it or had not proven themselves trustworthy! You see, the higher I allowed them to go,  the deeper they were able to wound me.  There are some people who should never be allowed off the ground floor!

When I looked at my life and the people in it through this senario; I really did laugh out loud! I have never felt so empowered! Suddenly I was issuing virtual security passes and turfing interlopers out on their ear! I had visions of several people being escorted from the premises by big burly security guards and metaphorically washing my hands of them. For all the rest; I decided how much access they would have from that point on, I decided how much their opinions and advice mattered to me. It was so freeing! Some people will permanently remain in the lobby, I have ordered some nice couches and installed a coffee machine for them but they ain’t going any higher! My heart = my responsibility.  You can only hurt me to the depth that your opinion matters to me.

So if you – like me, struggle with enforcing boundaries when it comes to maintaining healthy relationships I hope this helps you. I hope that you will also remember to view those around you in the same way; from the smallest child to the oldest crone. They too have a heart to protect, and the heart of a person deserves our utmost respect and care.

You have arrived at your floor, you may now exit the elevator. Thank you for visiting. Please call again!

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15 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Juliet
    Feb 06, 2011 @ 07:34:22

    Good stuff, Amelia…. As always! 🙂

    Reply

  2. Natalie Giddings
    Feb 06, 2011 @ 08:14:58

    What a ride. Brilliant insight Amelia.

    PS I’ll take the stairs!

    Reply

  3. Nat
    Feb 06, 2011 @ 11:48:24

    Amelia this is AWESOME!! Just what I needed to read as I move into a new season of developing REAL friendships where there is respect and wellness amongst everyone. Thanks so much for sharing something so close to my heart and showing me, Im not the only deer in the forest feeling this way!!xxoo

    Reply

    • ameliahunter
      Feb 06, 2011 @ 22:45:07

      I’m glad you could relate Nat.
      I hope that as you walk out this new phase of your life, that you will be rewarded with all of the things that truly great friendships bring to life.

      Reply

  4. marion
    Feb 06, 2011 @ 18:28:26

    EPIPHANY! Indeed!

    I too love friendships, crave them. But, like you I realized that I was giving out a lot in some relationships and not getting a lot back. Consistently not getting enough back.

    Good friendship, the “top floor” friendships have a balance of giving and getting. And sometimes that balance may shift, but it always comes back to center. I am focussing on those relationships, and keeping the others are ground level.

    Thoughtful post! Thank you for writing it.

    Reply

    • ameliahunter
      Feb 06, 2011 @ 22:50:15

      Thanks for reading it!
      I guess this is one of those life lessons we all have to learn at some point. You are so right, a true friendship consists of both giving and receiving. Whenever there is an imbalance the growth of that relationship will eventually become stunted and frustrated.

      I hope that those who call you friend appreciate the gift that you have given them xo.

      Reply

  5. Faye
    Feb 07, 2011 @ 05:29:19

    I was once offered this advice by my Pastor, “Not to let my disappointment over someone, stop me from loving and helping the next time.” It was good advice, but like you I now have some self protection in place.

    Reply

  6. ameliahunter
    Feb 07, 2011 @ 11:09:40

    All the way to the TOP baby!

    Reply

  7. Tania
    Feb 24, 2011 @ 12:03:50

    Truly amazing Amelia, it makes a lot more sence now from that conversation we had earlier on this week, keep shining bright beautiful xx

    Reply

  8. rebecca
    Mar 03, 2011 @ 08:32:44

    Incredible Amelia, just what at needed at the perfect time, you blow my mind XX

    Reply

  9. Shar
    May 01, 2011 @ 14:09:54

    Hi Amelia,
    In the spirit of blogging and in recognition of your great blog, I’d like to pass ‘The Versatile Blogger’ award to you.
    As part of accepting the award, there’s just a few rules.
    (Who’d have thought awards had rules?!)
    *Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to their site in your post. (www.mummyontherun.blogspot.com)
    *Tell us 7 things about yourself in your blog post.
    *Pass the award on to 15 ‘newly discovered’ bloggers.
    *Contact these bloggers to let them know you have given them the award.
    Enjoy!
    Shar (Mum On The Run) 🙂

    Reply

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