BIG is Beautiful

I am not a small person in any sense of the word. I am 5’9 and I am certainly not going to be a contender for ‘Next Top Model’. Ever. Yet, as I have matured I have learned much about myself, as life experience often leads us to do. I have discovered that while yes I am physically large, I am also large in other areas.

I have a big smile. It’s a real one, it crinkles my eyes and shows the gap where I had a tooth pulled out (I’m not a big fan of that bit). I have discovered that there is great joy to be had in laughing first at yourself. Fortunately; I provide myself many opportunities to do just that. It is remarkably difficult to think too highly of oneself when tumbling headfirst down the stairs at a crowded cinema. Secondly; when you have children, if you don’t have a robust sense of humour I am certain that insanity or depression or both would quickly follow at your heels. Between one child who had a compulsive habit of eating my lipsticks, and this new one eight years later who poo’s every time I put him in the bath; I have learned that to laugh first is usually the best course of action.

I am large in my faith. I believe in God. Lots of people believe in God. But Amelia without God is futility, a husk and profitless. Many may criticize this statement; perhaps see it as an insult or as a proclamation of weakness. But I have walked my life’s path and it has led me through great despair and loss as well as tremendous joy and love. Yet it has not been my faith in Him; but His faithfulness to me which has seen me through. It is this spiritual relationship, Father to child, Shepherd to lamb, Healer to broken which sets me apart. Any gift I have which makes me remarkable I know is first and foremost a gift from Him.

I am large in my heart. I could give you the full sob story of my childhood, of my self-loathing teen years and every tragic thing in between and since. But frankly that just makes me screw up my face and go ‘blurgh!’. I have a choice. We all have a choice. We as a human race are fatally flawed, and we always will be. We will be hurt, and we will cause hurt; but when this occurs do we barricade our heart? Do we make ourselves prickly and irascible to keep people at bay? Perhaps create a false persona, created from a mosaic of semi-truths we believe more acceptable to others than the real us. I choose not to, I know I am far,far,far,far,far from perfect, but I am me. I am sensitive and tough, I am honest and real and there will always be a little bit of me that is terrified of rejection. But I won’t let that stop me from caring and sharing simply being me. Living life this way has bought me the best kinds of people, and I am always excited to meet new ones so if you are reading this then please COMMENT and say hi!!

I am BIG in so many more ways than my body. I was never meant to blend into the crowd, I want to be that streak of flaming red, the blur of electric blue and a splash of vibrant orange on life’s canvas. What I offer is unique, because what I offer comes from me; and trust me… I am one of a kind.

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